Week 1

Dear Ian,

Today you are a week old. We can’t believe how quickly this first week has gone by. We’ve spent this week getting to know you and spending time with you, falling in love with you. We’re smitten with you, son. We loved you immediately and our love for you continues to grow every day.

Over a week ago, you were in Mom’s tummy. Every kick, movement and hiccup were treasured. We wondered when we’d get to meet you. As each day passed, the anticipation grew. And finally the 20th was here and a day later so were you.

We've watched you intently this last week. There are so many things that bring us joy:

• You have the best facial expressions while you sleep. You raise your eyebrows, looking curious, and then furrow them, looking grumpy. It makes us laugh because it's so cute.
• When Mom feeds you and you’re falling asleep, your little eyes roll back into your head. We can’t tell if that’s you fighting sleep or welcoming it.
• When you’re hungry, you shake your head back and forth quickly.
• When you cry, your bottom lip trembles.
• You can already hold your head up pretty well. Mom had you on her chest this morning and you pulled your head up to look at her and then look at the ceiling.
• You're intrigued by ceiling fans. You look around the rooms when you’re awake and when your eyes land on one, you’re captivated.
• When you're really upset, you cry so loud that it sounds like a cat in pain. It makes us laugh to hear how loud you are. (And then we try to calm you down.)
• You sleep better when somebody is holding you, so Mom snuggles you a lot.
• You got your first sponge bath at home yesterday and we think you enjoyed it. You didn’t cry and it seemed like you found the water running over your hair soothing.
• They say babies can’t smile, but we watched you smile for the first time (and several times after that) in your sleep this week. Those moments are like shooting stars; they happen so quickly and we feel very lucky to catch them.

We hope that as your parents, as you grow, we instill in you humility, compassion, thoughtfulness, kindness, creativity, passion, ambition and drive, confidence in yourself, respectfulness of others, appreciation for family, gratitude for the blessings in your life, a healthy relationship with technology, discernment, awareness, sympathy, a tenderness for others, and a love for God. We hope you find joy and purpose in this life and that you always experience life through a filter of hope.

Right now you’re curled up in Mom’s arms, snuggled and safe. Little hands and feet are moving and we can see on your face and its changing expressions that you must be dreaming of something.

The tomorrows of life are bittersweet. You’ll grow from being our little newborn that can snuggle up in the crook of our arms to a toddler to a kindergartner to a high schooler to going off to college. We are savoring each moment with you and look forward to experiencing every day with you. 

We love you, son.

-Mom and Dad 

At the Very End of Week 39

No baby yet... I was and am hoping that he’ll come on his own without me having to be induced, but with every day that goes by, it seems less and less likely.

Yesterday T and I went out and had burgers for lunch. It might have been our last date day out together before the baby is here. We also went to Kroger for potentially our last grocery run and we finally got to park in the expectant mother’s spot. I’ll miss people being so nice to me when I’m not pregnant anymore. There was a sweet woman in the store and she could tell I was tired. “When are you due?” she asked. “Monday,” I smiled back. She smiled and wished me luck. So sweet!

I’ve been sleeping a lot lately. It hurts to walk, sit, and lay down—sometimes even breathing hurts depending on where the baby is pushing. He’s still actively moving, which makes me happy to know he’s okay, but ouch! There’s not really any room for him to stretch out anymore.

I think the house is pretty much in order or as in order as I can stand to clean it with me not really being able to bend.

We have clothes up on ebay that are out in the dining room, so many baby clothes there’s no where to put them, and dog hair everywhere. Of course these things aren’t a big deal, but part of me would have loved to have them all sorted out before Ian’s arrival—and then there’s another part of me that’s just too tired to care. Welcome to Parenthood (I think)!

Baby Ian, hurry up and get here. We’re so excited!

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Week 38

Dear baby boy,

Here we are, almost at the end of one chapter and on the verge of starting a new one—the one where you’re here in the world and we can see and touch you! Oh man, what is life going to be like? Even when I try to envision it, I don’t think I am at all prepared for how you will capsize our lives in the very best way.

Today after months of cleaning and rearranging we finally have your room put together. 

I’m trying to think of what’s happened over the last several weeks. Probably the biggest thing was I got sick. It started on January 8th and was the worst cold I’ve ever had—and I’m still not 100% better. I’m still congested. I didn’t think about it until it happened, but being pregnant kept me from taking a lot of my usual medicine that I would normally take. And even taking the cold medicines the doctor said were ok still scared me. It was such a relief when I was well enough for my usual appointment and the ultrasound tech said everything looked good. I was so worried about hurting you.

To make matters worse, I dealt with the cold (and tried home remedies too, like drinking apple cider vinegar, eating chunks of straight garlic, drinking green tea, standing in front of the steam from a tea kettle—anything I could do to try and speed to the cold process up or make it go away!) and then got pink eye. The pink eye was disgusting. And I caught in both eyes. There was just so much mucous, it was inevitable. You would think that would have been the worst of it, but at the end, when the pink eye was healing and the cold had somewhat calmed down, I think I got food poisoning. I don’t think it was the flu, but who knows? All I know is that for two days, I was getting up every hour to go to the bathroom. It was miserable. And you were in my belly. I had to position myself so that I tried to cradle you and not squish you as I was throwing up. And I was so scared that the convulsions were going to send me into early labor or that I was crushing you and hurting you. I was so tired. And as much as I didn’t want to drink or eat, I forced myself to because I didn’t want you or me to get dehydrated. I didn’t want to go to the hospital and risk getting anything else, especially with my immune system being so, so weak. T was really sweet on that first night. He was up with me, rubbing my back and talking me through it. It was rough. He went to work the next day exhausted and I loved him so much for getting up with me in the middle of night, knowing that he’d be tired the next morning.

All of that happened over a two to three week period. We had 4 baby showers for you/us and I was sick for every one of them. Maybe it was a blessing, because I wasn’t strong enough to care about the little things. Everything turned out as it should have. And we are very blessed, and were very blessed by a lot of people. We are so very thankful for those who took time and spent energy and money to celebrate little you.

Before I got sick, we celebrated your auntie Kimberly’s wedding day and T’s big birthday. The wedding was beautiful and for the most part I managed okay at being 8 months pregnant and a bridesmaid—but the day after I sure did catch up on sleep. I loved being with your dad. Have I mentioned to you how much I love him? I can’t wait for you to know your daddy.

Auntie Callyan came into town and I was sick for that too. We didn’t do much. We managed to eat at Memphis-special places like Tops and Corky;s and Muddy’s and Gus’s, but mostly we stayed inside and rested because I couldn’t do much else. I was so tired and still healing. I am so thankful that she came and was able to spend time with us before your arrival.

It was around this same time that your dad got sick. We had left the blow up mattresses up from your auntie's visit and the following weekend we threw up a blanket to darken the living room and popped in Lord of the Rings for a full day of binging. I love your dad so much. It had been so busy with the sicknesses and company and showers that we really needed that time to wind down. It meant so much to soak up time together, even if we were both still under the weather.

One of the showers thrown for us was by your grandmas. They did a great job at throwing a beautiful shower with the most amazing food and games. It was really special, and again we were very blessed by those who attended and gifted us with such amazing gifts.

We are in single digits now! 9 days until your arrival, maybe less if you come early. I think I’ll miss feeling you in my belly, but I am looking forward to seeing your little face and watching your dad hold you. The very best is yet to come and I hope that we can give you the world—or as much of it that matters. We love you, baby.