Black Friday & the Beginning of Christmas

Today was an "in day" and by that I mean it was a "not go out at all, stay in pajamas and do nothing" day.

Aaah, how good it's been!

The freedom to stay home and online shop, clean house, eat leftovers and decorate for Christmas. Heaven!

A few things I bought on sale:

Tarte Color Vibes Amazonian Clay Eyeshadow Palette
I have been eyeing this palette since it came out. The neutral colors with the few select deep colors—love!

AEO Knit X Jeggings in Olive and Black Onyx
What's in my closet? Pairs upon pairs of black jeggings. They are my go-to. There is something to easy about them. They go with almost every outfit. I don't have to do a lot of thinking. I can wear them with camel boots or flats... I just love them. I just don't love how they fade. And so I decided to try these, because I'm hopeful that they'll last a long time and if not, at least if I love them, I will have a new place to sustain my black-jegging-fix.

Persia Top from Ivory Closet
When I saw this top, I just knew I wanted it.The mocha color, it looks like a thermal. V-neck. All the things I love. I can't wait until I get it!

Then TL and I pulled down all the Christmas stuff from the attic and went through and set everything up.

Left to right, row by row:

• Rustic tree topper: one of my favorite Christmas purchases from Cracker Barrel. I absolutely love it. I think I got it two years ago, because I remember we had it up on the tree last Christmas.
• Our ring bearer pillow/commemorative Christmas tree ornament. I love this piece. Each year we put it on the tree, because it was there the day we got married, it means a lot. I remember how much time I searched and researched different pillows for ring bearers. I fell in love with this one, especially because it could be re-purposed as an ornament.
• Wreath I got last year from Michael's with added string of silver ornaments I really love from TL's mom.
• It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year sign from TJ Maxx, a favorite piece, my berry wreath.
• Christmas card hanger-upper, love this! I hope I get lots of cards this year!
• Handsome hubby in Santa hat.
• My view from my recliner.
• Our decorated fireplace. We're actually doing stocking stuffers for each other this year! I'm excited!
• A little silver tree that TL would put up when he lived alone in his apartment.

Thanksgiving 2016

Right now I'm sitting under my warm chenille blanket in my comfy recliner.

Today was a good day. An exhausting day, but a good one.

T and I were up around 8 and had prepped the wining and sitting areas for our guests. The only task that remained was the food.

It was up to us to cook the turkey, the giblet gravy and the stuffing.

One of the best and to the point articles I could find was 17 Thanksgiving Turkey Mistakes Everyone Makes on Buzzfeed. Such great information for first timers like us.

Because we followed the no-baste instructions, our bird cooked a lot faster because of the heat not escaping. Which means, instead of eating around 4, we ate at 3. 

If you have never been to our home, it is on the tinier side. And in addition to my fears of messing up on cooking the thanksgiving necessities, I was really afraid that our guests would feel cramped. But ya know what? Instead of feeling cramped, the space felt cozy. And warm. There are a few things I'd change about the house if I could, but that doesn't mean I love my home any less just because it doesn't look like the end result of Fixer Upper. A part of me loves my home more after tonight, seeing how 10 people fit. One thing is for sure, I have to work on getting a love seat for the living room so there's more comfortable seating rather than pulling in the stiff dining room chairs.

 

Really delicious wassel.

The Underdog

I went to the Thursday night spin class tonight. If you don't know, I really love spin. It's never the same ride twice. Even if it's the same routine, I always push myself in different ways.

It's really been a cool experience to go from no exercise to slowly transitioning into a class or two a week. I can tell my body is changing even if nobody else can. I don't know if I've written these goals anywhere, but here they are... I don't have a specific weight goal. My "fitness" goals are a little different:

-to be in shape enough that people stop asking if I'm pregnant

-to be able to slide my wedding ring off with minimal effort

-to fit into a skirt I bought

To be continued!

A Tradition of Growing

The sweetest year in my life was easily 2012.

It was in that year I had worked diligently at knowing who I was (God's beloved daughter), what I was all about (living my life for God), and even though I didn't exactly know what I wanted out of life, I at least knew what I didn't want (a relationship just to fill a void).

But the sweet spot I was in crumbled with the onset of 2013.

When you let someone into your life, when you let yourself be vulnerable, sometimes you get the short end of the stick. I let somebody into my life who hurt me, and not just once, but consistently. They had access to my every-day life and there wasn't much I could do about it. With the added emotional and psychological instability, there were no boundaries and nothing was safe.

For two years I lived in this place of fear, hatred, and uncertainty. And I began to lose who I was. The joyful, always-look-on-the-bright-side, caring, funny girl—I lost her. I could no longer see who I was to God and my perception of myself was dampened. I was insecure, sullen, pessimistic, and started to think, "If someone hates me this much, I really must be an awful person." I saw myself as unworthy. There was a deep shift in personality that reflected two years of inescapable torment.

In 2015, my antagonist was finally, completely out of my life, but the damage was done. They had succeeded and I hated myself. I questioned everything I did, everything I said. And that continued for a long time. Me questioning my intelligence, my worth, and my capabilities. For a while I was really akin to an abused dog—I was always expecting someone to hurt me or lash out. I felt like a prisoner in my own head. I couldn't escape the feeling of oppression.

As with all things though, time passed and as it did, coupled with distance, the wounds started to close. With no one around to constantly bully me, with lots of love and encouragement from friends and family, I became a happier person.

It's taken almost two years to get to this point where I've started to feel like the old me again and I realized I felt this way only a couple of weeks ago.

I was driving home after a good day, singing along with the radio, and I had the thought, "I feel like me again." I feel like me again! The thought caught me off guard. I started smiling because of the overwhelming relief I felt.

I feel happy, but more than that, I feel hopeful again. I'm slowly starting to open up and let people in after a long time of shutting down and shutting people out.

It's really fitting that I'm writing this today, on the anniversary of my one year challenge date. Five years ago I set myself on the trajectory to be someone different. And now I'm changing again. It's like the echo of a former me calling out and celebrating, a new chapter! A new story to tell!

I am so thankful for the healing and growth that have happened so far, and look forward to seeing where I am—and who I have become—a year from today! I'm prayerful that I get to be an even better version of myself. Thank you, Jesus, for all you've brought me through and how I know you'll continue to love me in the trials and celebrations to come.