This year on June 22, 2017, T and I celebrated three years of marriage together.
Last year, we both chose three words to describe our second year of marriage. This year—albeit it's a little late—we are doing the same.
Determined/ This year wasn't easy. I was and am dealing with a lot of emotional hurt and a lot of that translated into our marriage. T never gave up on me though. There were nights we fought, nights he sat and just listened to me while I tried to talk through it all, and nights where I needed "me" time just to process through. He was there for me through every night. Even though this year wasn't easy or perfect, we were both determined for the marriage itself to stay intact even if pieces of me were falling apart. Determined is a prestigious badge, and not just within the realm of marriage, but in life, and I'm thankful that we were both determined to be there for each other.
Tender/ I'd like to think that this word describes both of us, but it definitely makes me think more of T. He loves me. Even when we don't see eye to eye, which is sometimes often, I know he loves me. Just by the gentle way he looks at me, when he holds my hand, the way he takes care of me, our house—our home—the way he loves my family, and my brother, and his brother, and others. One of my favorite things is seeing him interact with others and how he makes everyone he meets feel at ease because he is just a comfortable person to be around. He's a gentle person, so caring, which makes him strong. In a world like this, it's rare to be tender. I've seen this world demonize "tender" and turn it into a bad thing. I do get offended sometimes when people tell me I'm too nice—it's happened quite a few times this year. It gets under my skin because people say it like it's a bad thing to be kind. (I actually want to write more about this later, because I think a lot of being nice comes from perspective. It’s difficult to be human, we’re all fighting our own battles. So there’s more to being nice than just being nice...sometimes being nice is born from the perspective of having wished others would have been kind to you...but I’ll save my thoughts on that for another day.) I've never thought of being nice as a negative quality. The world needs niceness. Unusual niceness. The more niceness, the more kindness, the better we are for it and I'm proud that T and I can offer that to others. There may be things that T and I never achieve because we're too nice, but whatever those things may be, those are worthwhile sacrifices.
Happy/ T and I are really good about recognizing moments, him especially. Taking a second to recognize that we're in a happy place, either doing happy things or feeling happy. Happiness is fleeting—so those moments where we're in Target just shopping, or at home on the couch after a filling meal, or laying down at the end of the day reflecting on the goodness of it all—these moments stick out to me.
Update// T's words were harmonious (we live in harmony with each other), tranquil (that even in the worst times, everything is calm) and compassionate (the way we care about other people and empathize).
