I'm a little late catching up on my February intentions. The scoring of these monthly intentions are good for reflection. There is honesty, grace for opportunities, and joy for celebrations.
Scoring:
(+) Did Well
(-) Could have done more
(+/-) In between
(+) Stretch every day.
Stretching more was definitely a welcome change. I didn't remember to do it every day, but, oh, on the mornings I remembered! And then in the evenings I pulled out my exercise ball and stretched while watching TV. It felt so good! I don't know why I couldn't remember to do it every day. I definitely want to keep this up in the future.
(+) Don't speak negatively about myself (to others) or to myself (to me).
Immediately after writing this intention, I think I said negative things about myself. Because it's just natural for me at this point! Ugh. I did get better as time went by and really chose to remind myself for any time I was feeling pitiful or tiny or less than, that, "We all make mistakes...to err is human...don't beat myself up...focus on how to get back up."
(-) Think before I speak. Stop saying dumb things out of nervousness.
This one was rough! I learned that I think I say dumb things out of nervousness. Unfortunately, I just say dumb things. Because. I am. Socially awkward. I hate this about myself (sorry, previous intention). I don't know how to overcome this. I used to be a lot more eloquent. A lot more understandable. Now I say things and it's like, "Chocolate cakes like zebra hunts." What? My social awkwardness nosedived after everything happened with K. I would love to research more on how trauma stunts growth. Because I really do think trauma—especially after experiencing it, living it—that it does stunt development, but I would also say it doesn't just stunt, but can set us back. It set me back. I used to be a better version of me and then I closed up and shut down. For four years. That's a long time and whole lot of life to go by. I think what I actually need to work on instead of "not saying dumb things out of nervousness" is a version of emotional intelligence and verbal communication combined. Say what I mean and mean what I say, know how what I will say can make people feel, kind of stuff.
(+/-) Take initiative with friendships. Pick up the phone!
As far as connecting with friends, I am just not one to pick up the phone and call. But I'll text you. And that's what I did. I took it as a win, because God knows when I was emotionally shut down years prior I did not want to talk to anyone in any way.
(+) Drink coffee to enjoy the flavor, not to survive! (AKA less coffee)
I cut myself back to one cup a day and stuck with it pretty well. My goal for next month is to try and cut back since T and I will start trying to have a baby and I've heard not-to-great things about caffeine and reproduction.
