Happy one month birthday, son! A month has already ticked by—and I’ve already forgotten what it was like to be pregnant, what it felt like to have you kick and move in my tummy—so sad! What it felt like in the delivery room, pushing and then when you finally arrived. The feeling when they laid you on my chest for moment before they took you to clean you up. And now here we are. Plumper fingers and toes, little sounds and yawns, grumpy faces, tiny socks, lots of bottles, and being wrapped in blankets... I cannot believe you’ve been with us a month already.
Now you’re bigger.
You’re looking more intently at things.
You’re stretching your arms out more.
Your dad is back at work.
I have 3 months left with you before I go back to work.
Right now you’re in your swing after a big meal, completely zonked. It’s killing me not to hold you right now, but I really wanted to write something to celebrate your first month.
What’s been going on lately?
You and I sleep in together when Dad goes to work. Depending on if you sleep longer than me, I either give you formula or breast milk for breakfast. I hate the way the formula smells and tastes, but sometimes I just can’t keep up with your appetite. I think you’ve hit yet another growth spurt!
You love soft blankets. In fact, I think you sleep better when one is wrapped around you. Speaking of that, we’re doing that wrong, but you won’t sleep any other way—doctors advise against co-sleeping in the same bed, but when we try and put you in your crib or any version of a bed that’s not with us, you cry incessantly. And I hate hearing you cry. You also sleep better with blankets and on your side. We just pray every night that God keeps you safe and nothing happens.
The way you stretch right now really tickles me! Your arch your back way back. Like you’re almost a U-shape and I’m almost afraid you’ll snap yourself in two. Your little head goes back, and then afterwards you look so content. The littlest things you do bring us so much joy.
I think as much as your dad and I tried to imagine what life would be like once you got here, we just couldn’t. We couldn’t imagine all the ways we would feel or how our days and nights would change, or how your grandparents would change. All four of them are completely in love with you, and would love to spend every day with you if we let them. But right now I’m being selfish, wanting you to myself for as long as I can have you before I go back to work. You are my first baby and probably my only baby and I just want to soak up all my uninterrupted time with you.
I think things are a little stressful. We’re a tad sleep deprived. But in the middle of the night when you cry, I remember you’re little and scared and communicating the only way you know how—through crying—and that tempers any frustration I may be feeling and I just go back to feeling so much love for you, like I just want to protect you and keep you from being sad.
You’ve grown out of a couple onesies already, which does make me sad. I knew that was coming, and now it’s here. You’re not our littlest newborn anymore. And when I realize how quickly time has gone by, my mind jumps ahead, thinking about when you’ll be 2...or 5...or 15. And I think about how fast it will all go by.
Your dad and I talk about setting you up for success, believing in you, and wanting the best for you—better than what we had. And we’re devoted to making a better life with better opportunities for you. We both want you to go to college and are making plans to help you. I want for you to establish your own life, be independent, and to be able to take care of yourself. I want you to succeed not for the sake of succeeding, but to find happiness and peace in knowing that 1) you had every opportunity and 2) you took every opportunity (that you wanted or needed to). I never want you to feel like an opportunity was not given to you or that you didn’t have a choice. Like college for your dad and me, we felt like we didn’t have a choice because of money, and we don’t want that to be an issue for you. Your dad and I are going to work hard for you and instill in you the same sense of working hard.
You just stretched your little left hand to the sky in a big stretch. You’re so cute, and so much more than we could’ve hoped for. We look forward to watching you grow—to see you smile, hear you laugh and talk, watch your eyes take in the world around you. We’re a month out and this is still only the beginning. We love you so much, son.
We love you,
We love you,
Mom & Dad
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