A Dream to Remember

"She has less than a minute," someone said. It could have been an angel, a higher power, or possibly a scientist. Whoever it was, they weren't with me, not where I was, but they were somehow able to see me. I couldn't tell how or why, but I knew what they were saying wasn't hostile or uncaring. Just matter of fact.

And I knew, I knew from what they were saying that I was about to die.

Somehow I was back in my parents' bathroom in Stockton, but it was bigger. Big enough for me to sit down and stretch out on the floor.

I had just gotten out of the shower, wrapping my towel around me when I understood what was about to happen.

I could feel my body giving out and growing weaker. I had my phone in my hand, and though I could have spent my last seconds dialing the emergency line, I chose to relax. I could say that I resigned to what was happening, but that isn't accurate. In that moment I knew I was passing away and I was at peace.

I made sure my towel was covering me, so that whoever found me would not find me indecent.

And before I left, I closed my eyes and said, "God, thank You for this beautiful life."

And I felt... Really felt... My body giving out. It was like suffocating, or my heart bursting. And yet I was at peace.

At peace.

And then I woke up.

Minimalism

I am absolutely loving looking into my closet and seeing lots of clothes that I love!

It's been a process, but the more I hone my style, the happier I am when I slide my closet door open.

I've learned to give myself some leeway. The freedom to buy clothes, wear them for as long as it takes for me to decide if I really like them, if they meet my expectations, or if they fall short--and if they fall short, then I allow myself to discard them without feeling guilt over the money spent. Because I'm learning. I'm learning what to pay attention to when looking at clothes and I'm also learning that when you try something on in the store vs. actually wearing it out, that's when you really learn if you love something.

I have dresses I thought I loved, but they actually ride up on me.
I have camis that I wear, but they ride up and become midriffs.
I have dresses that are too short for my comfort, but I keep them planning to wear them on a super casual afternoon that never comes because I'm never comfortable enough to wear them.

And all these things pile up, taking up space, because I feel too guilty to get rid of them. Keeping items I don't love brings me so much unhappiness. And so I refuse! I refuse to keep them! And out they go now.

What I'm working towards now is having a quality, neutral, classic wardrobe with pieces I love that span time and trends.

Building a wardrobe you love is a process.

And also really thinking about purchases. How versatile they are. How many other pieces can I wear them with? How many events can they be worn at?

Determining what you love and what complements you. Coming to terms that those are two different things.

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Celebrate!

Minimalism

If you've been watching my Instagram lately, you know T and I are (still) going through downsizing everything.

It's been a long three years or however long we've been in this house when we knew something had to change. It's been three years of evaluation. What brings us joy? What adds value to our lives? It's been a personal journey for both of us and it's still far from over.

On to round #234,543,345. Just kidding, but it feels like it. I'm encouraged and discouraged at the same time. Encouraged that we've made so much progress, but discouraged at just how much stuff we still have yet to go through. We have accumulated so much, both as a couple and as single people.

Things that are meaningful right now:

Going digital!
I have a stack of books that I kept, that mean something enough to me to buy in Kindle format, that I'll be buying one book in Kindle format every paycheck. It may seem a little monotonous, but it means enough to me that I want to do it. I want still want to own the books, but I also want to free up the space on my bookshelft. This works for me. A long time ago I got rid of all the cases that went along with DVDs. It took a good few hours to move all the DVDs into a booklet and toss the cases, but I am SO happy part of living room is not taken up with a bookcase of DVDs #freedom

Graham Hill
I recently subscribed to The Minimalists podcast and I think they were the ones to introduce me to Graham Hill. lifeedited.com. In my dreams, I would live in a 420 sq. foot apartment like his.

The Minimalists Podcast
Interested in what the guys have to say? Listen here.

Less Stuff = Less Money to Maintain
One thing that was said in the documentary over and over again is that when you have/need less things, you need less money to maintain the lifestyle. All these material things we can't take with us, what's the point? As long as you have things you love, ignore the desire for more! You won't need to stress yourself about climbing the ladder to afford more of what you don't even want.

Freedom. That's what this is bringing to my life. I don't have to compare myself to anyone. I don't have to go into debt to prove anything. I get to be me. I get to have a house I love being in because I have things I love in the house. I use my closet to keep my encouraged. I have gotten rid of items that didn't bring me joy and much to my surprise I don't miss them. I'm just free. Free from feeling like a prisoner to my things!

Can't wait to see what our home looks like in another year. January 8, 2018, here I come!

Words for 2017