She finally unblocked me from Facebook. I know, it sounds immature.
And I don't know what made me look for her this time. I looked for her earlier in the year and couldn't find her then, but last night I did.
And I immediately blocked her.
It's small, but it felt like I was taking back a part of my life. Albeit it a very small part, but under the right circumstance the smallest thing can feel like the biggest victory.
I don't know that anyone really gets what she did to me. I carry a piece of her with me always. Because she changed me. She broke me down piece by piece and when she was done, when she was gone, so was the Jamie I had spent 28 years developing, building. The confident, don't care what people think, found myself in Christ Jamie—GONE. And I've struggled for two years to get any semblance of her back.
I really do feel like crazy begets crazy. I have thoughts that I never would have had before because of the paranoia that developed from someone trying to destroy my life. When I meet a stranger, when someone says something to me, are they being underhanded? Are they being sincere? Are they trying to manipulate me? Is everything a competition?
She was in my life 24 hours a day for 2 years... And that was enough to destroy me. She won that round. That season of life.
But this one is mine. She has no control over me. She doesn't get to decide when she can see my life.
It's over.
But why doesn't it ever feel over?
