I don't have anything particular to write tonight, but I do think I feel better after writing something. So here I am.
Pinterest is—of course—where I'm finding all these images to give me a starting point for my blog entries.
The image above serves as a reminder to me.
I am in my head, always wondering how I'm coming off to people. I think this makes me be awkward, all think-y and quiet. I don't ever get to be the real me when I'm wondering what people think of me or if they like someone else better than me.
I think they see someone who is weak. Someone who is incapable. Someone who is less than them.
I guess this really stems back to middle school days where I knew everyone thought I was less than just because I wasn't wearing name brand shoes. At least kids were obvious. At least kids make fun of you to your face. Back then it seemed like a bad thing, but now I wish that there was that transparency. Knowing who's friend and who's not. It's so difficult to tell these days.
Somehow I have to change how I see myself. I just don't know how. I've tried speaking well to me, looking straight in a mirror. I've prayed to God that I could see myself as something beautiful, as someone who is loved. But I can't.
How do I learn to love myself?
I felt so together, so good, in 2013, and then K happened and it brought back so many feelings of being unloved and unworthy and having to try harder to get people to like me. How do I get over it?
