Not drinking is a really abstract concept.
Any time I tell someone I don't drink I can tell that something switches off in their head and suddenly there's a disconnect between me and that person, like whatever bond we could have had has already been severed. I know that's sounds extreme, but I've experienced it more than once.
I gave up drinking in 2014, so it's been 3 years now. Honestly, I don't miss it. What I do miss is the social aspect of it and how if you drink, you're automatically accepted into a group. But let's get real here, I've been different and living on the outskirts of normal since I can remember. I may as well get comfortable with it, because it's always been this way. Me being different. Anyway, I diverge.
The three big reasons I don't drink are family, health, and money.
Family is a deep pocket when it comes to alcohol. I won't mention T's family history here out of respect, but as far as my own I think both sides of the my family have struggled. And I remember when I was young understanding that my grandfather had a choice between giving up drinking and living longer or continue drinking and die, and he chose the latter. Which, whether he meant it to or not, spoke volumes to the family about where they stood in his life and his heart.
As far as personally, I am sharing this here and now because I think there is a stigma associated with being an alcoholic. And people are also apathetic. They don't care. I've had people shrug me off when I tell them my husband is a recovered alcoholic like it's nothing. Like, excuse me?
First, I can't tell you the bravery it takes for someone to stand up and say, "I've got a problem," and actually do the work it takes to FIX IT. And "I'm going to fix it despite that choosing to do so will make me different from the outside world...Forever." It's choosing to fix yourself at the cost of not fitting in anymore.
Second, it is really at the cost of having normal relationships with people. No one wants to hang out with the people who don't drink. And the people who don't drink don't like being the only sober people in a group of people who get drunk. The drunk debauchery isn't cute when you're sober. So what happens? Your relationships end up changing naturally.
Third, it takes some damn good discipline to not fall back into it when it's EVERYWHERE. Could you not eat chocolate for the rest of your life if your livelihood and family-life depended on it? Just think about it like that.
The second biggest reason I don't miss drinking is health. You know how many calories I don't consume because I don't drink? All the beers, all the greasy food for hangovers, all the wine... I used to come home or go out and have a drink every night. Those, my friend, are calories that I gladly spend on delicious morsels of food now. And even beyond the physical health, there's the mental wellness aspect. If you're having to drink to help you relax at a party or at the end of the night every night, there's some co-dependency there. Removing the alcohol makes you work through your emotions and what you're feeling. Remember, alcohol doesn't get rid of your problem, it just temporarily numbs you and then you're back at the start when you've sobered up.
Biggest, last reason for not drinking is money. The cost itself, ugh. I'm thinking of the weekly bottle of wine or specialty cocktails at a restaurant that cost as much as an entree. I don't miss the large bills at the end of the night and all the money that would be thrown down the toilet on drinks.
I'm sure this post sounds like I'm condemning people who drink—I'm not. What I am condemning is the lack of compassion and understanding for people who don't drink and who don't understand the implications of the decision or why someone might not be a drinker. It is no small choice.
If anything here has resonated with you, if you're thinking about living the non-drinking life, I found and liked this: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/10-ways-kickstart-your-alcohol-free-life-mark-henson
