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Kevin* was jealous.
Jealousy, on its own, is not so threatening. We all experience a little jealousy from time to time. The problem was that in addition to experiencing these feelings of jealousy, Kevin was also unstable, irrational, spiteful and violent.
Those aspects of who he was is what made him dangerous.
By the end of the two years he was in my life, I was a wreck. I was living in constant fear that something was going to happen to me and that constant fear changed me.
A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a conference where the speaker talked about the neuroscience behind empathy. Neuroscience, you say? She said something about the brain changing, and that made me start thinking...
...if the brain can change, did my brain change after two+ years of being in a state of chronic fear? And if it did...
How does chronic fear change your brain? And how does that change you?
Now that I'm researching, I am reading article after article. And with every article I recognize and see a little more of myself. I'm starting to have visibility into what was happening to me and why I am different from who I was before those two years. Here are some things that really struck me:
► Cognitive Dissonance
► Cortisol and the amygdala
► Gaslighting
► Hippocampus and the ability to learn
► Narcissistic abuse
Some of these things hit so close to home, I started crying. Because things finally make sense. Because I'm not alone. Because these things really happened and what I am feeling is legit.
I'm feeling hopeful and encouraged, and I'm looking forward to unpacking these feelings and moving on!!
Now that I'm researching, I am reading article after article. And with every article I recognize and see a little more of myself. I'm starting to have visibility into what was happening to me and why I am different from who I was before those two years. Here are some things that really struck me:
► Cognitive Dissonance
► Cortisol and the amygdala
► Gaslighting
► Hippocampus and the ability to learn
► Narcissistic abuse
Some of these things hit so close to home, I started crying. Because things finally make sense. Because I'm not alone. Because these things really happened and what I am feeling is legit.
I'm feeling hopeful and encouraged, and I'm looking forward to unpacking these feelings and moving on!!
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neurosagacity/201701/the-brain-can-work-against-abuse-victims
- https://hackspirit.com/3859-2/
- https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/how-trauma-rewires-the-brain
- http://sideeffectspublicmedia.org/post/childhood-trauma-leads-brains-wired-fear
- https://thepowerofsilence.co/narcissistic-abuse-can-lead-to-brain-damage-neuroscientists-warn/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201709/how-spot-narcissistic-abuse
- https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2012/06/brainwashing-abusive-relationships
*Name has been changed to protect identity.
